he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Pooping to opera.
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