The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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