I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
4 words: hood of his car
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
