he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
