booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
