Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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