He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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