that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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