Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize