My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
