You're completely useless in the revolution.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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