I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize