it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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