You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
