So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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