Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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