we're chasing vodka with high fives
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
