turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
