The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
