God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
