Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
