I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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