Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
