tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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