When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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