I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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