Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
