At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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