were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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