Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
