so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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