the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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