can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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