"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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