So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
