Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
