I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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