dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i already hear my dad disowning me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
