got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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