im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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