I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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