Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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