my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize