my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
