So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
