You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
