dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
