Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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