i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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