You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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