You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
