im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
