i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
