you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Randomize
