Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
