ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
