I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
