This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
