Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i now understand why vodka
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
