she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just gargled with NyQuil
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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