Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
