With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
