I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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