you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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