It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
