I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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