Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
